Dreams of the Appalachian Trail

I have been reading On The Beaten Path, An Appalachian Pilgrimage by Robert Alden Rubin and it has made quite an impression on me. I tend to dream my most vivd and memorable dreams between 4 and 6 a.m. as Jim and Maggie get out of bed around 4 or so and I have the bed to my self.

The other morning I dreamed that Robert was on a rampage, stomping around and yelling - definitely not in rhyme - the rest of the dream has faded but I remember my concern that even after 2,000 + miles on the Trail, he still didn't know what he was going to do when he got off the Trail.

I haven't seen much about him personally on the internet. Might just have to stop in Harpers Ferry when we pass through this fall.

Revisionist History?

I know that i have misremembered a few things and wonder how I will be remembered by H through the years to come. Did I prevent her from achieving her goals, was I non-supportive. will she cling to the bad episodes and forget any of the good?

I have been noticing how touchy we all are and how easily we misinterpret. A phone conversation with H telling me, don't go out of your way that I take to mean - I know you won't. Shocking to realize these. A simple, yes I know response is misinterpretted to mean - why are you telling me this, I already know this...

College hunting and trying to discuss choices based on what is affordable and being accused of not thinking H is capable of getting a scholarship, won't be accepted-so hard to explain - I didn't mean that - I just meant that, oh forget it.

What should we do about this?

Secret postings

because no one reads my blogs.

I think about doing a lot of things but need a push to actually start. I was thinking the other day that I need to start writing things down - snippets of my past, fleeting thoughts. I am a cypher, written off as uninteresting because of my career, the fact that I didn't grow up around here,whatever. I think I will go to my grave/urn without anyone knowing anything about me.

So as I start to plan writing - do I really have to plan that? - I think which way will be best/easiest/longest lasting

Should I use the computer - the home one is not the best - if I do, I will be dependent on a machine

Should I use a note book? My hand aches at the thought of so much writing

But what if I use a binder and then I can print out and write.

The main thing I have learned about myself is that I can overanalyze to the point that nothing is done

No longer cute.

Tough crowd.

Georgie on Yahoo Answers says
"There are two sayings that come to mind the first being;

You can pick your friends, but you can't pick you family.

And the other is

You can pick your nose, and you can pick you friends, but you can't pick your family."

But really, you can't even pick your friends.

This saddens me and makes me prone to big, plopping tears at unexpected times. I really hate that.

Tag ! You're the Adult!

Nope, not playing that game...

But

You can't cut your losses and run from a surly 16 year old or a chronically cranky husband but oh, there are times I wish I could. Driving down 95, I think how easy it would be to keep going. Drive the van, pull over and duct tape the curtains onto the windows. Sleep. Drive some more. Elizabeth Berg describes such a thing in The Pull of the Moon.

I'm not a particularly public person, so why am I writing all of this in this underbelly of a blog?

The Cheese Stands Alone

In the end, you are alone. Wife, mother, friend falls away and you are alone. So ask yourself, " Do you make yourself happy, can you trust yourself to make sound decisions, Can you stand your own company?"

Car Talk

Not the NPR show, I'm referring to the conversations while driving alone, usually on a stretch of Highway. This is when I wish I had a voice activated recorder in the car. I think of useful stuff at times like that and I am so sure I will remember when I get to my destination. I rarely do. I have a bulletin board in the car but that doesn't always work. The pen, the paper, the push pins. The road, the steering wheel...

Highway driving brings out other whims, as well. I see a sign that indicates I am headed north on I95 toward New York and I think Yeah. Why not?